Tinker, Trainer, Huntsman Why Not?
by Kross Kings
Summary: "In a world filled with soulless monsters, a race of humanoid people with a few extra mammalian parts, and humans that wield the most impressive of weaponry, comes a tale of one boy who defies the odds. This is his story, his-Hey! Pyrrha-a-a!" "Sorry, but you're going to be late for class." AU. Rated T for language, crude humor and all around immaturity.
1. Chapter 1

**BB15: Hello-o-o Fanfiction Dot Net! Man, it's great to be back in Cleveland. See, over the weekend I went to New York City! You know, because it's so close by. (Seven. Hours. In a car. Ugh.) But one good thing came out of the trip though! (Aside from going to the Big Apple, splurging, flirting with locals, and seeing a show at the Circle In A Square.)**

 **E4E: Flirting? He wishes. Dude got lost, went in a circle, and nearly got bumped by a Toyota.**

 **BB15: ...You led me in that circle...**

 **E4E: Because I thought it was the TGI Fridays on Seventh! Not Fifth!**

 **BB15: Details! Anyway, if you haven't guessed yet, we met face to face! ...Not that this text helps prove that.**

 **E4E: After 3 years of being FF buddies!**

 **BB15: Damn, nearly four years isn't it?**

 **E4E: Yep! He still owes me some cash for the pizza and pretzel...after I swindled a cheaper price for them. But hey, that's how NYC works.**

 **BB15: I'll fax it over to you.**

 **E4E: That's what they all day, darn kids and their hip-hop and hula hoops.**

 **BB15: You damn well respect my hippity hop and my hula hoops!**

 **E4E: At least we got matching Zelda shirts. If you heard the first Zelda rap from Starbomb, yeah, that's what the shirts were about.**

 **BB15: Game Grumps F. T. W.**

 **The Kross Kings: And now please enjoy our newest release!**

* * *

 **Disclaimer: We don't own** _ **shit**_ **! Really, we're broke. If we had even one percentage of RT shares for _RWBY_ or could claim we had the artistic skill of Miyamoto when it came to _Naruto_ , we'd be richer than we are now.  
**

 **Tinker, Trainer, Huntsman, Why Not?**

 **1: The Break In**

* * *

It was a quiet night for the students of Beacon. Was being the operative term.

The day before had ended their first week in classes and many of the uncertain members who'd passed Beacon's initiation had decided whether or not their studies would persist. Teams with shaky starts had slowly started to meld, and those with even better beginnings were even tighter knit.

However, the story does not yet concern these students, as our hero is actually hiding outside the grounds of Beacon Academy, concealed within the campus' surrounding shrubbery.

"Okay Q, listen up. Dis how it gonna go down." A youth's voice said as he unrolled a white sheet of paper onto the grassy ground. Beside him was a floating egg that was about a foot tall and almost ten inches at its widest point. It was primarily red with one vertical stripe of black around a solitary red light. The youth frowned at the egg when it let out a series of high pitched beeps and boops.

"Don't give me any of that crap, Q. I'll talk however I want to talk! _Gangsta_ is the current trend. And I do _not_ sound stupid, thank you very much. Who do you take me for? Sasuke?"

The egg beeped in disapproval, its lone red 'eye' dimming partially as though to glare at the youth accusingly.

" _You're one ugly motherfucker._ " A heavily accented voice muttered in disgust and disbelief.

"Buddy, if sis heard you say that, she'd wash out your hard-drive with soap. That probably wouldn't end well for you." The youth huffed while the egg let out a fearful whirr and shuddered. The youth sighed and patted the top of the egg, bouncing it lightly in the air as he did. "Sorry, Q. I've been planning this all week, so we gotta make it work and I _gotta_ look cool! Otherwise, how else am I going to get into Beacon?"

The egg let out another beep and the youth scoffed.

"'Wait three years'? Um, no offense, pal, but when have I ever been the patient type?" He grumbled as he looked back at his diagram. "I'll get in this way and show them how awesome I am. Sides, Sis told me a girl a bit older than me made it in! It can't be _that_ hard."

The egg whirred quizzically.

"...Yeah, still, uh, still working on that whole part of how I'm going to show them how awesome I am…" The youth mumbled. The egg floated over to him and nuzzled into his side. The youth cracked a grin and rubbed its shell with his hand. "Hey, don't worry about me, bud. I came this far, and I won't be stopped by something as small as that, right?"

A sharp whistle and chirp came out of the egg as it danced away from the youth's hand before the speaker frizzed and an old gravelly voice popped through: " _Let's Roll Out!_ "

"Now that's the spirit, Q." The youth chuckled and looked back down at his paper. He brushed a hand over one corner of it and pursed his lips while his eyes narrowed in thought. A few seconds of staring and he cracked a grin. His grin, and his eyes, brightened considerably before another laugh escaped his lips. The egg tilted in the air and its eyelight flickered as a quizzical whirr came from its speakers.

"Hell," the youth said as he folded the paper up. His grin still in place as he tucked the plans away, the youth looked at the egg. "I'm gonna do what I always do whenever I go to a new school. I'm going to raise Hell."

The egg released a startled and worried beep.

" _Don't you do it!_ " A high male voice warned.

"Imma do it."

" _Don't you do it!_ "

"Q, you can't talk me out of this. It's going to get do-ed." The youth stood from his hiding spot in the foliage and stepped out into the moonlight.

He was indeed a youth, easily only thirteen or fourteen years old, and still had a round face from childish chub. Wild blond hair sprouted from his head, kept out of his face by a set of high-tech goggles that rested on his forehead. Bright blue eyes gleamed mischievously and whisker-marked cheeks were spread wide by the boy's toothy smile. He wore a loose orange T-shirt underneath a dark leather cuirass with a thick left shoulder plate that bore a black hand atop a red spiral. This same symbol was imprinted on the back of his two leather arm guards that had orange metal bands near the wrists. At his waist was a slate grey utility belt, with box-like pouches all around that were just slightly larger than a deck of cards. The belt held up a pair of black, multi-pocketed, utilitarian pants that fell over dark leather sandals.

"Alright Beacon Academy…" The youth reached up and pulled his goggles down over his eyes. He pressed a small button on the left side of the band that made them give off a small whir as the lenses focused and gave off a gentle glow in the frame. The youth reached into his belt and pulled out several small marble-sized balls. "Let's see how you handle Mistral's Tinkering Terror."

" _KOBRA! ATTACK!_ " A hissing voice shrieked quietly from the egg. The youth grinned.

"I knew hacking you into the CCT mainframe was a good idea."

He threw the balls down and both were encased in massive clouds of smoke. A second later and heavy coughing could be heard several feet away as the youth ran into the Academy.

"Q, make a note." The youth coughed. "Too much smoke generated by smoke grenades!"

" _Well no shit, Sherlock._ "

"Don't you... get smart with me, Q."

* * *

"Well, that's odd." A lanky man with obscenely large glasses murmured to himself rapidly. He was just out to patrol the school grounds, double checking that students were in their dorms and that the library was locked for the night, when he noticed a dim glow come from one of the classrooms. This man was Doctor Bartholomew Oobleck, a teacher of Remnant's history currently employed at Beacon Academy.

Dr. Oobleck went to the door, shifting his trusty thermos from one hand to the other as he grabbed the doorknob and pushed the door open.

"All right, now, who's breaking curfew this...time…" Oobleck trailed off and nearly dropped his thermos.

The classroom walls had been decorated with propaganda for some sort of cult or group that was focused on something called "The Hand". "All Hail The Hand!" "The Hand is God!" "Why Do You Resist The Hand!?" and more were common among the various posters depicting a blackened appendage.

"What in blazes is this-this-this _nonsense_?!"

"Hey! I worked on each and every one of these for a good ten minutes yesterday!"

Oobleck's head snapped towards the speaker, finding a short individual with goggles and spiky blond hair. The young man seemed to realize that he was now out of his hiding spot among the top row of seats and scratched the back of his head.

"Uh, oops...smoke bomb!" Three orbs were tossed Oobleck's way by the youth, and were it not for his natural speed, the good doctor would not have been able to react in time to avoid them. His dive into the room however did cause Oobleck to lose sight of the young intruder, who rushed out through the smoke with his arm over his mouth.

Oobleck pushed himself from the classroom floor and dusted off his night shirt.

"Well...I suppose I should inform Professor Ozpin about this. Hm, if I'd know the Professor, he'd wish to wake a few of our first years and make this a test for them." Oobleck mused to himself. A small smile made its way across the doctor's face. "Might as well go over his head. Just this once. Who knows, he may give me a sample of his Mantle Morning Joe mix if I do this right."

(Line Break)

A good hour later and several of the newest teams to join Beacon were roused from their slumber by the eccentric professor. All still in their pajamas and their eyes lined with the earliest signs of sleep, one team made their way to the main hall where they'd receive more information.

"What's going on anyway?" A young girl with a red cloak draped over her pajamas yawned out as she sluggishly followed her team. A yelp escaped her when she was bonked on the head by the white haired member of her team.

"Pay attention for once, Ruby." The white haired girl wearing a nightgown frowned, while the younger girl rubbed her abused head. "Professor Oobleck told us an intruder has gotten into the school. So we have to act fast. Even if we're...indecent."

"Oh, lay off of Rubes. It's too late in the night for her to suffer Weiss Abuse." The buxom girl with long flowing blonde hair pointed out.

"Are you proud of that one, Yang?" The mature looking girl with a bow atop her head and wearing only a short yukata asked. The white haired girl, Weiss, glared dully at the back of the blonde's head when she grinned.

"I thought it was decent considering we're not." Yang chirped. She yawned and stretched her arms above her head. "Man, I'm so tired…"

"At least there's no class tomorrow so we can sleep in once whatever this is is done." The yukata wearing girl muttered. She grunted when Yang threw an arm over her shoulder.

"That's what I love about you, Blake. Always so optimistic." Yang grinned as they entered the main room where the professor told them to meet up.

"Professor Oobleck!" A girl with long red hair gained the teacher's attention as she walked into the hall.

"Doctor."

"Doctor Oobleck." The girl corrected herself. "Can you tell us what the intruder looked like?"

"Hm," The green haired man stroked his chin. "Male, child, spiky blond hair, goggles. Really, before the smoke bomb, that was all I could see."

"Whoa, he's like a ninja…" An orange haired girl muttered in awe. She nudged the dark haired boy beside her and grinned. "Bet you got this one, Ren."

"Mm…" The boy hummed tiredly. "We'll see, Nora."

"Did he have a katana?" Ruby asked eagerly.

"Ninja's use ninjatos, Ruby."

"Oh, right."

"Hey, Pyrrha, what's wrong?" A lanky blond boy asked the frowning redhead beside him.

"Oh, nothing! Just...thinking, Jaune." Pyrrha smiled at him. "Sorry if I made you worried. I'm fine."

"Well, if you say so." Jaune shrugged and scratched at the back of his shoulder under his footie pajamas. The sight made a few of the other students snort or smirk in amusement, but due to his current state of half-slumber, Jaune didn't care.

"Now, students, bare in mind that while an intruder on the grounds is a terrible, _terrible_ situation - A child no less, how disgraceful - bare in mind that all efforts should go into subduing and capturing. I will say this only once: the use of lethal measures will absolutely _not_ be permitted on a citizen of Vale, especially a child."

"So, we can't crack his skull open for making us get up right now?" a tall and burly boy asked irritably.

"No, Mister Winchester."

"...Are weggies fair game?"

"If you feel the need to, as long as the intruder isn't critically harmed. We still need to determine the reason why he broke into the school."

"So don't give the shrimp an atomic one, got it."

High above in the rafters, overlooking the awoken students' and the professor's conversation, the young infiltrator in question felt his eye twitch.

"Shrimp? I'm not a shrimp. Just haven't hit my growth spurt yet. Razzle-frazzle, mother-lovin', sonova…" The youth grumbled darkly before he dug around in one of the pockets sewn into his pants. "Q, kill the lights in the room."

The egg beeped before it floated over to a previously accessed panel of circuitry. A small spark drifted between the egg's red eye and the panel before the lights cut out.

"Hey, the lights!"

"Ah!"

"Ow, Cardin you ass! That was my foot!"

"Shut up, Lark! It wasn't like I meant to drop my mace!"

"Someone get their Scroll out and turn the light on!"

"Whose hand was that!?"

"Sorry, my bad Blake."

"Why would your hand go there, Yang?!"

"I was trying to grab Ruby's arm!"

"Protect me cloak!"

"Ruby, that's my nightgown!"

"Students, calm yourselves!" Doctor Oobleck announced. He rubbed his eyes beneath his glasses in embarrassment. "Honestly, you're Huntsmen and Huntresses in training, try and act a little more professional!"

A figure dropped down from above in front of Winchester. Over his face was green mask that was easily four times the size of a normal person's head. It had a orange swirly left eye, an oversized right eye, and a purple warty nose that looked like a purple pickle.

"OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" The figure screamed as it jumped into Team CRDL's faces.

Winchester let out a shrilly scream, jumped into the air, and landed in his mohawked partner's arms, similar . The rest of his team screamed in similar manners and ran back for their dorm room. A dumbfounded Dr. Oobleck rubbed his temples while the other teenagers quickly jumped into each other's arms and let out similar screams, but didn't run.

Though, Jaune did faint into a wide-eyed Pyrrha's arms.

The mask was tossed aside. The youth behind it held his stomach as he pointed at the retreating older boy and laughed.

"Oh, man! Q! Did you see the looks on their faces!? Tell me we recorded that!" The boy laughed again as his egg floated down and a hovering video screen popped out from its eyelight. The scene that just occured played again and the blond boy fell to his back, kicking the air and holding his sides.

The egg let out a series of beeps and boops, almost as if it were giggling.

"So going online!" The boy gasped out as he climbed back to his feet and lifted the goggles up to wipe the tears from his eyes. "Ahh...that was great. I think we're done here-ow! Ow! Ow! _OW_!"

"Just what do you think you're doing?!" Pyrrha said furiously, her fingers expertly grabbing the boy's ear and pulling it into the air.

"Ow! Pyrrha! Let go-o-o!" The boy whined while he struggled to grab onto the girl's wrist as he was forced to stand on his toes.

"I don't think so! Do you have any idea of what kind of trouble that you're in, Naruto?"

Ruby hugged Weiss and let out a whimper. "Not the ear pull, Dad! Not the ear pull!"

The white haired girl gulped at seeing Pyrrha's mastery of such a frightful skill. She hadn't even seen the Mistral champion move!

"We were just playing around, Pyrrha!" The boy, Naruto, complained.

"You snuck into one of the four most prestigious Huntsmen and Huntresses academies! For _what_?! To play some pranks!? What are you even _doing_ in Vale!? Does Mr. Brunner even know you're here!?" Pyrrha exclaimed, her emerald eyes now a glowing jade in the darkness.

"...I'd like to plead the fifth- _Ow_!" Naruto's eyes screwed shut when he was lifted off the ground by his ear. His feet kicked the air and his hands gripped tightly onto her arm. "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

"Naruto Nikos! You are in _so_ much trouble!" Pyrrha scolded the boy.

"Say what?!" All of the surrounding teams cried out with astonished looks on their faces. Even Dr. Oobleck seemed thrown off guard by the revelation of the intruder's identity. The teacher in question stepped forward and looked at the redheaded student.

"Based off of the structure of his cheekbones and the similar shape of both of your eyes, I take it he is your younger brother, Ms. Nikos?" Oobleck asked.

"My troublemaking little brother, yes." Pyrrha said with a frown aimed at the whiskered blond.

"Somebody with boobs, save me!" Naruto reached out for the girls, trying to look as adorable and needy as possible. His eyes became big and wide, with the hints of tears starting to form at the corners.

"Don't stare too long!" Pyrrha warned sternly to her fellow females. Green eyes stared intimidatingly at the top of her brother's head. "He's a crafty one."

"Ohh...my head…" Jaune muttered as he got back to his feet.

His sudden return to the world of consciousness drew Naruto's attention away from the pretty older girls around him and his 'face' crumbled. Naruto immediately bit onto his lips and his cheeks bulged while his shoulders shook from suppressed laughter.

"Huh, Pyrrha, you caught the intruder?" Jaune asked as he got to his feet. He grinned and put his hands on his hips, his chest puffed out. "Another win for Team JNPR. Nice job, Pyrrha!"

A snort escaped Naruto and his hands moved from his sister's wrist to clamp over his mouth. Another snort, then a snicker, and finally a chuckle followed. Then, it seemed he couldn't handle any more and he burst into bouts of laughter. His hands wrapped around his sides, his eyes squeezed shut, and tears fell down his cheeks.

"That's...That's the...That's the _best_ thing I've ever seen!" Naruto gasped out. He continued to laugh while he was leveled with confused looks by the older students around him. They looked at Pyrrha, who still held him by his ear, and who now had a hand over her reddening face.

Finally, Pyrrha began to walk away, dragging her still laughing younger brother with her by his collar.

"You're going on the first Bulkhead in the morning! Now stop making more of a scene!"

"Fine! Sure! Whatever! But those pajamas! That's _awesome_!" The boy cried out around his giggles while his egg floated along after him. Jaune blinked and looked at his friends.

"Uh...Did I miss something?"

"...It is _way_ too late for this." The dark haired boy, Ren, mumbled as he turned around and followed Pyrrha back towards the bedrooms. The orange haired girl, Nora, looked at Jaune for a moment before she cracked a grin and snickered. She started to laugh and followed Ren, her hands resting over her stomach, leaving a confused Jaune with the still shell shocked girls of Team RWBY.

"What's so funny? Guys? Come on! Clue me in!" Jaune cried out as he rushed after the rest of his team.

* * *

"And you said he seemed very skilled?" Asked a smartly dressed white haired man with small rounded glasses resting on his nose and a green scarf around his neck. He was currently riding an elevator to his office with Dr. Oobleck and a woman alongside him.

"What Miss Nikos shared prior to their departure for the cafeteria this morning was that he literally hacked our system." Oobleck told the two before he took a sip of his seventh cup of coffee. He'd been up since the boy arrived, checking across campus and stumbling across other...surprises left by Naruto Nikos. "And the boy certainly covered a _lot_ of ground in the few hours he was here."

"Did he have a series of codes? Where was he connected? Has he shared this information with anyone else?" The woman asked.

"No. According to what he's said, Ozpin, Young Naruto Nikos seemingly crossed with some wires and, as he stated, 'fiddled around' for some time to gain access to our mainframe."

"Fiddled?" The woman repeated incredulously.

"Fiddled." Oobleck nodded.

"Hm." Ozpin hummed before he took a sip from his mug. "That is ...Interesting."

"I was afraid you'd say that." The woman mumbled. She looked down at the tablet that rested in her arm and began to slide her fingers across the screen. "According to his records, he's been detained by Mistral's Juvenile Department for multiple instances of cyber warfare, but no charges were able to stick. No less than thirty companies had been bankrupted and almost fifty sites that fell into the... adult film industry were completely erased from the CCT archives, and any employees involved have been blacklisted by the Mistral Government."

"Adult Film...Well, that should be obvious." Ozpin chuckled. Oobleck immediately curled his lip in disgust. A brief moment passed before the woman blinked and scowled.

"That's disgusting! She would've been underage!"

"Indeed. You can see why _those_ charges never stuck." Ozpin mused as he looked out the elevator's slowing window. "Anything aside from Cybercrimes?"

"Property damage files that could fill a Bulkhead and a half." The woman said as she scrolled through the rest of the list. "Mostly covered by insurance companies and a woman named Anne Phibian."

"Sounds like amphibian, poor woman." Oobleck muttered when the elevator doors dinged.

"Quite…" Ozpin mumbled as his eyes narrowed in thought. He turned and walked down the hall to his office. "Doctor Oobleck, do you think you could catch up to Ms. Nikos and ask that she belay sending her younger brother away?"

"Is this a rhetorical question or a request?" Oobleck asked.

"The latter, if you don't mind."

"Not at all, Ozpin. A good morning to you, and to you as well, Professor Goodwitch."

"Thank you, Bartholomew." The woman, Goodwitch, said with a small smile as the man sipped his drink and let the doors close on him before the elevator descended. She quickly fell in step with the Headmaster of Beacon Academy and looked through the rest of Naruto Nikos' records.

"He's a year younger than Ms. Rose."

"Yes, and academically, he may face some struggle." Ozpin conceded. He looked down at the keypad outside of his office and entered in his code. "However, I'm sure he'll manage surprise us."

"I don't know, Ozpin. This might be even more of a stretch of the boundaries, even for you." Goodwitch frowned. "His grades aren't...abysmal, but they're not exactly the greatest, either."

"Nor were mine. Or Qrow's. Yet here we are." Ozpin smiled as he opened the doors and stepped into his office. As soon as he did, his coffee mug fell out of his hands and his eyes widened. Goodwitch nearly dropped hold of her tablet had she not tightened her grip when she first walked into the room.

"...Professor...Correct me if I'm wrong, but...is that a horse on that flag?"

"Yes. Yes it is, Glynda."

"And...it looks to be dancing."

"I believe it is, yes."

"...Why does it have an...an... _erection_?"

"...I ...I have no idea."

A moment of silence ensued.

"You did say he might surprise us-"

"Yes, but this isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"Do you want me to call Oobleck back?"

"No. I would most certainly like to speak with Mr. Nikos now more than ever." Ozpin cupped his chin and rested his elbow in his other hand. "I'd like to know how he managed to break into _my_ office and then lock it again. And if he could break in _here_ , where _else_ had he managed to get into?"

* * *

 **Y'all know what the Kross Kings want from you!**

 **REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Read the first chapter!**

 **Tinker, Trainer, Huntsman, Why Not?**

 **2: Evaluation!**

* * *

"Now, I am not one for question artistic liberties, but, Mr. Nikos, I must ask a crucial question," Ozpin said to the boy seated across from him. "Why, in the name of God, why, does the horse have an erection?"

Naruto looked at him, his face utmost serious.

"Well that should be obvious, Professor." He huffed. "It's for glory!"

" _For glory, Zorro! For glory!_ " Naruto's red egg chimed in, while the boy grinned. The comment played by the little wonder drew Ozpin's attention to it.

"Ah, yes, your little friend. Q, was it?"

"Well, his official designation is QB-9, but I just call him Q for short." The whiskered blond said with a pat on the shell of his prized creation.

"Might I get a little more detail? He seems like quite the little marvel." Ozpin praised. He cracked a smile when QB-9 trilled and beeped proudly. "And very advanced, even compared to some of Atlas' latest breaks in robotic development."

"Psh, Atlas _wishes_ their tinker toys were as cool as QB-9. I built his first prototype when I was five and upgraded as time went on." Naruto bragged while he buffed his nails on his chest.

"But...Why an egg?" Ozpin inquired. Naruto shrugged.

"Sis thinks he's cute," he said simply. "And I'm fourteen. Girls are either one third or half the topics that cross my mind most of the time."

" _My milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like, it's better than yours!_ " QB-9's speakers sang out.

"Exactly." Naruto nodded sagely.

"I...see." Ozpin blinked. "...Anyway, Mr. Nikos, I'd like to offer you a olive branch so to speak. How would you feel being a student-?"

"Yes."

"You didn't let me-"

"Yes!"

"Mr. Nikos, do you always act so-?"

"Yes! I did it! I did it!" Naruto whooped and jumped out of his seat, doing a victory lap around the office. Opzin raised a brow in bemusement while he watched the boy lap his office. The blond stopped behind his chair and pointed at the droid.

"Q, play the victory music!"

" _We are the champions, my friends! We'll keep on fighting til the end!_ " The music played from the egg's speakers while Naruto rocked out on an air guitar.

"Mr. Nikos," Ozpin said in an attempt to gain the young man's attention.

"Just a sec!" Naruto said as QB-9 finished the old song and played one of the top hits performed by the Foolish Fools.

" _One more time...Just gonna celebrate! Oh yeah all right, let's party dance now._ "

"This offer is not going to wait for your song to play."

"B-But victory song!" Naruto whined and QB-9 whirred sadly as its music cut out.

"I'm sure it will be there after we iron out the details."

"Fi-i-ine." Naruto grumbled as he plopped down into his seat, crossing his arms and pouted. Naruto's eyes immediately lit up with excitement as a thought crossed his mind. "So, do I get my own team? Oh! Do I get to _make_ my own team? Cuz I gots the best homies."

"No, Mr. Nikos, you won't be making your own team." Ozpin shook his head.

"A-Are you sure? They're on speed dial," Naruto said, holding his scroll - which was customized to have an orange holographic screen, because of course it was - up to show the options he had available. He pouted slightly. "They're _really_ good! They got skillz, with a 'z'!"

"No, no that's alright. I already have a team in mind." Ozpin assured him with a small smile.

"...It's not with the Carbon dork that called me a shrimp, right?" Naruto asked, his pout becoming a heavy scowl. He pressed a finger onto the arm of his chair to emphasize his words. "Because, if the team is with those four cowards, I will poop hellfire and whizz brimstone all over this campus. There will be a reckoning. People will ask what happened to Beacon, and I will say, 'what Beacon'?"

"Er, dramatics aside, no," Ozpin said with a blink. Naruto relaxed in his seat and the Headmaster continued. "I was not planning to put you with a group full of unknown persons. The thought never crossed my mind."

"Well, good for you...and your campus." Naruto nodded in approval. He crossed his arms and arched a brow. "Then what poor schmucks am I going to be stuck with."

"Funny you should say that…" Ozpin took a sip of his coffee to conceal his amused smile. His eyes twinkled while Naruto and QB-9 exchanged a look.

* * *

"So...Pyrrha, you never said anything about a younger brother," Jaune said to his partner and teammate as they sat down across from Team RWBY in the cafeteria. Ren and Nora, seated on Jaune's other side, both looked just as curiously at their redheaded teammate. Even the four girls seated across from them looked interested. The red haired beauty paused and placed her fork down before she could take a bite of her lunch.

"Well, you know how the media can be," Pyrrha said softly. "I try to keep Naruto away from that as much as possible. It's difficult with his strong personality, but I've managed well so far I think."

"I would say you did a fantastic job." Weiss said flatly. "I was as flabbergasted as everyone else last night during the reveal."

Ruby giggled. "Flabbergasted…"

"Oh, grow up, Ruby." Weiss rolled her eyes.

"You'd think that sort of thing would've made its way to at least the fan forums," Blake said dryly.

"Oh, they tried." The eight students jumped when a certain short blond popped up between Jaune and Pyrrha. Naruto grinned and lifted his goggles off of his eyes before he turned to his sister. "Did you stop using the sponsor shampoo? I had to recalibrate my tracking software like three times. That stuff was easy as hell to track, what's the new stuff?"

"A local pharmacy's-Wait, _tracking_!? Naruto, what have I told you about invading my privacy?" Pyrrha asked with a small frown.

"I wasn't invading your privacy - this time - I was just trying to find you. Do you even know how _big_ this campus is!? I mean, you literally could've been anywhere." Naruto said as he squeezed his way onto the bench between his sister and the older blond boy. He frowned at his elder sister. "I liked the other one. Made your hair all lush and shiny. And it was much easier to break down in chemical formula..."

" _Why you gotta make things so complicated~?_ " QB-9 asked.

"Exactly! See? Q understands my woes." Naruto nodded.

"He seems very...knowledgable for his age." Weiss complimented. Her eyes drifted to the wide silver-eyed girl on her left, who was staring at the machine floating beside Naruto. "Unlike someone else I know…"

"It's so cute!" Ruby muttered and looked at Naruto pleadingly. "Can I hug him?"

" _I like women. I don't understand them, but I like them._ " An elder, accented voice left the speakers of the small egg-like machine.

"Uh, did that egg just hit on my sister?" Yang asked.

"Probably." Naruto shrugged and then whacked QB-9 down to the table. "Knock it off, Q."

" _...Shaken, not stirred…_ " QB-9 played as it groggily floated off of the tabletop.

"Serves you right." Pyrrha huffed. "Honestly, Naruto, where does he learn these things?"

"I...Interwebs?" Naruto said, unsurely.

"So porn." Yang cracked a grin at the little blond.

"Yang!" Pyrrha's hands latched onto Naruto's ears and the whiskered boy groaned.

"Oh, come on! I know what porn is!"

"Don't lie to me, Naruto. It's not funny." Pyrrha frowned at her brother as she removed her hands from his ears.

"And they say I have selective hearing," Naruto said with a huff. QB-9 let out a series of beeps and Naruto nodded. "I know right!? God, the gall of some people…"

"...Did you just...understand that?" Jaune asked, bewildered.

"Didn't you?" Naruto asked, blinking innocently.

"I, uh, well, that's to say-" The older blond boy faltered for an excuse.

Pyrrha shook her head. "Don't let him get to you, Jaune. Only Naruto could understand that. He's a techno-path."

"...Did you just make that up? It sounds like you just made that up." Nora deadpanned. Naruto nodded in agreement.

"Actually, I made it up when I was seven. Thank you for acknowledging it!" The whiskered boy said proudly. "I'm even credited in Today's Lingo for it."

Nora inhaled sharply. "That means he's big on the interwebs."

"Nora, trust me. Naruto's a little invasive. He probably hacked the site," Pyrrha said with a disapproving frown aimed at her brother. "Which you're _not_ supposed to do…"

"You have no proof of that! I call slander!"

Nora moved closer to Naruto, invading his personal space with her eyes narrowed. "I swear I've seen him somewhere. Ren! Help me remember!"

"Nora, we did just run into him last night." The collected teen pointed out before he took a bite of his salad.

"No, no, no! Before that!" Nora waved the deadpanned answer off.

"Maybe you saw him in a video or something." Blake suggested. Naruto's eyes widened marginally and he quickly drummed his fingers on the table in a specific pattern. The pattern was reflected by QB-9's lone eye flickering, but otherwise overlooked by the other eight teens.

"I don't know," Nora said thoughtfully. "I only watch the cooking videos and explody stuff with a bit of world history."

"Weird. Maybe I just have one of those faces," Naruto said with a shrug. He propped up his chin on his elbow and looked around the table. "You know, I'd have thought someone would ask why I was still here by now."

"...That is a very good point." Jaune blinked and turned to the younger boy. "Why _are_ you still here? You broke into Beacon and apparently desecrated most of the school."

"Something Mr. Brunner will deal with when you get back home." Pyrrha frowned at her brother.

"Nope!" Naruto said, popping the 'p' as he sat back and grinned. "Sorry sis, but you are looking at Beacons newest and _youngest_ student evah~! Who bad?"

" _He's BAD!_ " QB-9 played.

"YES!" Ruby jumped to her feet and cheered. She proceeded to do a small dance where she stood and QB-9, feeling the victory, played a triumphant tune. "Normal knees, whoo! Who's got them? I do! I do!"

"...I think we're missing some context," Ren said with a blink of his eyes.

"Not really, it's Ruby." Weiss dismissed the dark haired boy's confusion.

"Hm, fair point."

Yang, who pulled Ruby by the hood of her cloak back down into her seat, grinned.

"Hey, that's pretty cool. Right, Pyrrha?" She asked. Her smile died a bit when her lilac eyes landed on the red-haired girl. "Uh, Pyrrha?"

The Invincible Girl had a worried look on her face. "B-but you never went to combat school!"

"So? I've watched you fight all the time. I even trained with you. Compared to that, this'll be easy, sis." Naruto waved her off.

"But you'll get hurt!"

"And then whatever hurt me will be blown up." Naruto grinned and patted QB-9 on the head. "I've...made some special modifications to Q since you've been gone."

"...What did you do this time?"

"That...is a secret."

The way he paused for dramatic effect only managed to fill Pyrrha with even more dread.

"So, who's team are you on?" Jaune asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Some group of N00Bs. They're called Team JNPR, I think." Naruto grinned when the older boy choked on his food mid chew.

"I'm sorry?" "Come again?" Were the confused words that escaped his sister's and his new teammate's mouths.

" _Actually, I just did._ " The quote that QB-9 chose to use was followed by a laugh track.

"Ew, Q, that's...people are trying to eat!" Naruto frowned at his tittering machine. Nora looked at her pancakes, and shrugged.

"Waste not, want not." With that, she took a mighty bite from her stack and chewed away happily.

"Psh, waffles rule." Naruto snorted.

"Oh no…" Ren paled as he inched away from Nora, who had dropped her fork. Robotically, the orange haired girl turned towards the younger boy.

"Say that again, little person?" Nora challenged the boy.

"Naruto…" Pyrrha warned softly.

"Waffles. _Rule_. Pancakes-"

"Don't. You. Dare." Nora glared.

"Dro-o-o-ol." Naruto dragged the word out with a mad grin on his face. A hand slammed onto the table, leaving a crack where it impacted, and Nora shot to her feet.

"BLASPHEMY!"

"Nora, calm-!" Ren was knocked aside when he tried to put a hand on his friend.

"Waffles~!" Naruto sang the word.

" _Waffles! Waffles, waffles, waf-fles~!_ " An annoyingly catchy voice sang out from QB-9's speakers. Nora's face turned red and she reached for her hammer.

"I'll crack you like a real egg, you stupid wind-up toy!" The normally cheerful - if not overly battle-happy - girl snarled.

"He's not a stupid wind-up toy!" Naruto snapped, getting in the older girl's face, and consequently climbing over Jaune to do so. "Say it again! I dare you!"

"Naruto! Behave yourself!" Pyrrha cried out as she tried to pull her brother back while Jaune tried to push the boy away.

"Pyrrha! She insulted Q!"

"You antagonized her!"

"That's not my fault! Waffles rule and pancakes drool!"

"How _dare_ you insult the almighty cake of pans! Like a little shrimp like you would know!"

"Who are you calling a _shrimp_ you oversized, lardassed-!" A spew of words one should not repeat in public escaped the small blond boy. While Team JNNPR began to break down over a _breakfast_ food of all things, Team RWBY watched in disbelief.

"Wow, what a...colorful vocabulary the kid has." Yang muttered. She took a bite of the forkful of fruit salad she had in her hand and chuckled. "I love this school. Nothing's ever dull."

"I would not mind one day of peace." Blake muttered as she turned the page in her book of the day.

Weiss rolled her eyes. "Blake, you're too optimistic."

"...Hey, guys, what's $%#& mean?" Ruby asked. The rest of her team froze and looked at the younger girl with wide eyes.

"...You have fun with that, Yang." Blake and Weiss said simultaneously as they got up and left the table. They left their trays behind in their hurry to speedwalk away.

"What-Girls! You traitors!" Yang squawked at the retreating forms of her teammates. Her lilac eye twitched and she glowered at the team opposite of her. _Maybe Blake was onto something._

* * *

"And what have we learned?" Pyrrha asked while she stood in front of her two rambunctious teammates with her arms crossed. It took a good twenty minutes, but Ren and Pyrrha were able to pry Nora and Naruto away from each other. Amazingly, the two seemed to calm down rather quickly as long as no one mentioned the argument. However, that didn't mean they got off easy.

No. At the moment, both Naruto and Nora had bars of soap shoved in their mouths as punishment for the crass language they threw around.

"I prefer orange scented over lavender?" Nora asked after she spat the bar out, only for Ren to shove it back in.

"Soap still tastes nasty?" Naruto offered as he pulled the bar from his mouth. QB-9 beeped out behind him and Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, it's going back in...Geez, _Mom_ …"

"How many times have you used the soap trick on him?" Ren asked, a bit taken aback by how willfully the blond put the bar of soap back in his mouth.

"Q, how many times?" Pyrrha kindly asked.

QB-9's eye flashed and a digital number was projected out in front of the floating egg.

 _178_.

"That many?" Jaune asked, eyes wide in disbelief. He scratched his head and whistled. "That's just not nice."

"W-Well, to be fair, I tried time outs and taking away his dessert, but neither works all that well." Pyrrha admitted sheepishly.

Naruto rolled his eyes and began to fiddle with a scroll that he had in his hands. Jaune furrowed his brow and then checked his pockets. His simple check turned frantic before he snapped his attention back to the younger Nikos.

"Hey! That's mine!" He cried out, making a swipe for the tech. Naruto pulled away and glared at the older blond. He turned his whole body away and continued to fiddle with the Scroll, until it finally came apart in two pieces with a loud snap.

"Pyrrha! Do something!" Jaune cried out at seeing his Beacon issued Scroll being broken in half.

"Relax, Jaune, Naruto doesn't just break things for no reason." Pyrrha calmed her team leader down with a gentle smile and a hand on his shoulder. Softly under her breath, she added, "Mostly."

"But-but it's in half?!" Jaune pointed at the device. Pyrrha followed his wild gesture and smiled when she saw both Ren and Nora peering over Naruto's shoulders. It was common to see a few people do the same thing when he was in the middle of a self-assigned project, even she was curious to see what he was doing. The blond ignored them and continued to fiddle with one half of Jaune's Scroll while absentmindedly nibbling on the bar of soap in his mouth.

"He'll put it back together." The redhead said, giving Naruto a pointed look. "Or he'll get no ramen. For a _week_."

Naruto almost choked on his soap bar. QB-9 flew hard into his back and forced the bar out of the airway, but it stayed in the blond's mouth. Naruto coughed roughly while he furiously fiddled with the scroll. In a matter of moments, the device was whole once again and looked good as new.

"See?" Pyrrha smiled.

Jaune looked skeptical as he walked over and held out his hand for the device. Naruto tossed it to him, making him fumble for it in the air, before he grasped it tightly.

"Phew. So, what did you do?" Jaune asked while he examined his Scroll.

Naruto stared dryly at his new team leader before he pointed at the bar of soap in his mouth.

"Er...You can both stop now?" Jaune said unsurely, looking to Pyrrha for advice. The redheaded girl nodded, and quickly pulled Jaune down to avoid the two bars of soap that were spat out in his direction.

"Nice reflexes!" Nora complimented the startled team leader before she gagged and rushed for the bathroom. "Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew!"

Naruto picked at his teeth with his tongue. "I think there's some stuck-Yep! Got it."

"Don't eat the soap!" Pyrrha admonished her brother.

"You gave it to me!"

"Don't try to turn this around on me, Naruto."

"Fine…" Naruto crossed his arms and flopped back on the bed. "Anyway, PJ, to answer your-"

"Who?" Jaune and Pyrrha asked.

"You, Jaune. It's your nickname. It's now PJ, since that's all I'll probably ever call you. Forever." Naruto answered with a shit-eating grin on his face. "PJ."

"...I...I don't get it." Jaune admitted. He looked at Pyrrha curiously and she shrugged, just as lost as he was.

"Anyway, basically, I gave your scroll a bit of an upgrade." Naruto said. He sat up and folded his legs, resting his hands on his knees while he grinned. "You've got unlimited range and connect directly to any of the four CCT towers instead of the relays like the rest of the basic scrolls handed out by the schools do. You can access top secret information and have clearance up to level three, and that's only because I can't hack any higher than that. _Yet_. Oh, and you've got free subscription to OneLessThanThreeRadio. For _life_."

"...Top Secret information!? Isn't that restricted for a reason!?" Jaune asked.

"Meh, probably. Who cares?" Naruto asked, grinning.

"I don't want to go to jail!"

"Oh, you'd probably never go to jail, don't worry about it." Naruto waved him off. Jaune blinked.

"R-Really?"

"Yeah, that kind of info is definitely Kill-On-Sight worthy."

" _What_?!" "Naruto!" Jaune shrieked and Pyrrha snapped.

Naruto blinked innocently. "What? I'm just trying to help you out. You're the team leader, right? The more you know, the better we can all react."

"I…" Jaune faltered for words and then rubbed his head. "This is too much…"

Ren folded his arms over his chest. "I have a question. How good is he in combat, Pyrrha?"

"I don't mean to brag, but I'm pretty awesome," Naruto said smugly. Ren ignored him and focused on the older Nikos, awaiting an answer patiently.

"Well," Pyrrha fiddled with her hair. "He's talented, to a degree-"

"Degree!?" Naruto squawked and sent his sister a betrayed pout.

"But this is Beacon, so perhaps a test would suffice?" Pyrrha looked at Naruto worriedly. "If he doesn't pass, I think maybe the Headmaster can find a safer _technical_ position for him."

"...I am _not_ part of the Nerd Clan! I am part of the Raging Geek Society!" Naruto protested.

"I'll ask Professor Goodwitch to set something up for our next combat class then." Pyrrha chirped and smiled. "On _our_ skill level."

"Bring it on!" Naruto smirked at his sister.

"And while I do that, _you_ can call Mr. Brunner and tell him the good news!"

"...Wait, what?" Naruto blinked and then paled. "Can't I just face the grumpy hag that tails Ozpin?"

"Uh," Jaune said with a nervous look towards Pyrrha. "We're sure there's no way she heard that, right?"

"Jaune, for the last time, Professor Goodwitch is not out to get you."

"You don't know that, Pyrrha!"

"Wait, that grumpy hag is _Goodwitch_!?" Naruto scowled and crossed his arms. "Sasuke lied to me. He said she was a total babe."

"...A what?" Pyrrha asked.

"Sasuke said she was a very nice socialite." Naruto amended himself.

"Ah, I thought you said something else." Pyrrha nodded. Her little brother was too young to like girls, just like he was too young to be in Beacon.

"That's not what he-ow!" Jaune cried out as his Scroll shocked him. He looked at the device in his hand and then at the intense blue eyes locked on him. Both Jaune and Ren took worried steps back from the blond with a cheerful smile on his whiskered face.

"I may have also added a taser function, for self defense."

Pyrrha smiled and patted his head. "That's very considerate, Naruto."

"You know me, sis." Naruto grinned widely at his team leader. "Mister Generosity."

Jaune and Ren shared a look.

Nora was not the only one they had to keep a close eye on anymore.

* * *

"Man, I love Vale's weather. It's like the sun is always shining. The clouds are perfectly framed in the sky. There's even a warm breeze in the air!" Naruto took a deep breath and closed his eyes while his hands rested on his hips. A heavily, satisfied sigh escaped his lips and he looked at QB-9, who floated beside him. "It's a great day to hunt Grimm, wouldn't you say, Q?"

" _They're all going to laugh at you!_ "

"...Pessimist." Naruto scoffed. He looked back at the observation room overlooking this small walled off portion of the Emerald Forest and waved at his teammates. Pyrrha gave him a small and rather weak wave in return while Nora waved frantically beside her.

" _Do you have everything? All of your weapons?_ " The worried voice of his elder sister came through the earpiece he had wrapped around his left ear.

"Yes, Pyrrha." Naruto sighed out.

" _Are your sandals strapped tightly?_ "

"Yes, Pyrrha." The whiskered boy rolled his eyes.

" _Do you put sunblock on?_ "

"Pyrrha!" This time he whipped around to glare at his sister.

" _You and I both know you have delicate skin._ " Pyrrha returned with a frown. Naruto turned away and crossed his arms while he pouted.

"...Do not."

" _You do. So did you or did you not?_ "

"Yes...under protest!" He added under his breath.

" _Wonderful._ "

"This is so embarrassing." Naruto muttered to QB-9. The little egg-like bot beeped out an agreement.

" _What was that?_ " Pyrrha asked sharply.

"Nothing~!" Naruto sang. He returned his attention to the front as Professor Goodwitch's voice came over the loudspeakers and a holographic version of her appeared in front of him.

" _Mr. Nikos, this exercise is to erase the doubts from the minds of your peers and the faculty. It will allow us to evaluate whether or not your combat skill is adequate enough for your enrollment as a huntsman or if we should assign you to some of the more technical classes offered in Vale._ "

"Yeah, okay, whatever." Naruto began to bounce on his feet. "Can I start to blow things up now?"

" _Do try to take this seriously._ "

"Oh, don't worry, Professor. I'm super duper serious. You gots _no_ idea." The blond gave the hologram a thumbs up and patted his utility belt. "I'm even wearing a clean set of undies!"

" _I...see. If you're ready-_ "

"Finally!" Naruto groaned out. "Yes! Open the gates! Bring forth the beasties! Make me a sandwich!"

" _Excuse me?_ "

"Sorry, heat of the moment." Naruto sheepishly rubbed the back of his head under the scrutinizing glare of the holographic professor.

" _Quite. Very well. Professor Port, open the gates!_ " Holographic Goodwitch flickered out of existence as the two alarms atop the metal gates began to flash and a siren rang out. Naruto's grin went wide and readied his hands above his belt.

 _What'll it be? What'll it be? What'll it be? Ooh, I hope it's a Grabboid. Oh! Oh! Or a Deathstalker! Maybe even a Creeper horde! Or a Griffin flock! That'd be sweet!_ He thought eagerly as the doors opened far enough to allow three large shadowy figures in.

What they turned out to be, for Naruto anyway, was disappointment.

Three large Ursas, each heavily armored, but not enough to be labeled as _ancient_ Grimm, stalked towards the lone human.

"Three Ursa. That's it?" Naruto asked, his smile falling into a big frown. He turned around and pointed at his sister from where she stood in the observatory. "Pyrrha, explain!"

" _Mr. Nikos, did you really think we'd let anything truly dangerous this close to the school?_ " Professor Goodwitch asked.

"Yes! They got to fight a giant Nevermore and an ancient Deathstalker!" Naruto pouted at the professor. "I feel like I'm being underestimated!"

" _Naruto, safety extends to more than just-Look out!_ " Pyrrha's warning came just as one of the three Ursa charged at the boy's exposed back. Naruto didn't move, continuing to pout at the observation deck while the Grimm lunged at him. The others in the observation room cried out in alarm when the boy refused to move.

The Grimm flew right through him, and Naruto flickered into static and fizzled away, the Q floating beside him flying up high above the Grimm.

"Whoa, he has a clone semblance!" Someone in the back of the crowd called out.

"No he doesn't. That was a hologram." Blake frowned as she eyed the floating bot. She then looked to Pyrrha, who braced herself against the observation deck's railing and rested a hand over her heart. Blake then looked at her team, whose eyes were all scanning the area to find the missing boy. She followed their example and crossed her arms.

Something pierced through the Attacking Ursa's neck and the Grimm went shock still. The blade crackled into existence and slowly revealed itself to be a longsword, easily four feet in length, that had glowing glyphs carved into the blade's flat side. The wielder of the blade also crackled into existence, grinning as he put his foot on the Ursa's head and pulled his sword out.

"One down!" Naruto announced while he flicked his longsword and spun it around in his left hand. The reverse grip revealed that the pommel of the sword was in fact an adjustable wrench. He looked at the two remaining Grimm, who watched him warily.

"I love smart opponents…" Naruto muttered to himself. He pressed a button on the hilt of his sword that collapsed it down into a wrench. The size allowed him to pocket the weapon and beckon the Grimm towards him.

"Hey dingus brains!" The youthful cry drew the class' attention as well as the Grimm's to where the blond stood in front of one of the large trees. Naruto held his hands out to the side in a welcoming manner. "Come and get me! I'm unarmed and chock full of ooey-chewy human-y goodness!"

One of the Ursa roared and charged blindly at the blond.

" _Naruto, what're you doing!? You need to keep your weapon available at all-!_ " Pyrrha yelled into his ear. Naruto winced and reached up to tap the communication device.

"An-n-nd mute button." He muttered under his breath before he looked up at his sister. "Sorry can't hear you over all this awesome!"

"He muted me? He muted me! ...Oh my god... I'm going to... going to - Nora, ideas!" Pyrrha looked to the orange haired girl for help.

"Break his legs! And his toys!"

"...Maybe the latter." Pyrrha mumbled while she returned her attention to the fight below.

"Ole!" Naruto laughed as he jumped out of the Ursa's way while it charged head-first into the massive tree behind him. He dug around in one of the containers on his belt.

"Let's see...No. No. Nope. That won't-Aha!" Naruto grinned and pulled out a small sharp disk that was no larger than his thumb. "Destruction Disk...Oh, the Y-Warriors would be proud."

Naruto pressed down on the blue button in the center of the disk and threw it at the dazed Ursa. Moments from colliding with the Ursa's body, the disc released a blue light that expanded outwards and sharpened like a saw's blade. The disc lodged itself halfway into the Ursa and Naruto furrowed his brows.

"Huh, weird. It should've cut clean through...Unless…" Naruto paled slightly before he quickly turned tail and ran. "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap-!"

The center button of the disc beeped rapidly until the device exploded, the Grimm it was lodged in being blown in half, and the fleeing blond being launched a few feet further. Naruto landed roughly on the ground, coming to a stop after a roll, and his eye twitched.

"I thought I had DMB-DMB pull all of the disk bombs out before I came here. Stupid robot, it was a simple job, how'd he mess that up?" The blond grumbled under his breath as he climbed back to his feet. Of course, the moment he was back up, he was knocked away by the last Ursa's swipe. Recovering from the surprise attack quickly, Naruto was forced to retreat as the Ursa pursued him relentlessly.

"Not good, not good, not good." He muttered with each backwards jump he made. A series of whirrs and beeps coming through his communication device made him grin. "Heh, about time. All charged up? Then let's finish this, Q!"

The egg-shaped bot whirred a confirmation and shot down from where it hovered above the area. The 'face' of the bot flew right into Naruto's extended right hand. QB-9 then cracked along the back before it unfolded out and around Naruto's hand, locking onto the metal bar around his bracer. Gears and metal shifted and clanked around before locking into place as a massive fox-like head. The fox's jaw cracked open and a giant barrel, easily the size of Naruto's head, extended out.

Naruto stopped retreating and leveled the cannon with his other hand. The earpiece around his left ear clicked and a holographic visor popped out, covering Naruto's left eye with a reticule that locked on the approaching Ursa.

"Eat this, Papa Bear," he said with a sneer. "Supreme Cannon!"

An orb of purple-ish black energy was launched from the barrel. The orb vaporized the Ursa's head clean off, and then obliterated a good upper portion of the far left wall when it impacted. The recoil of the blast sent Naruto flying. He flipped in the air, landing on his feet and skidded to the edge of the grounds. Once stopped, Naruto lifted the weapon up and blew at the smoking muzzle.

"And that's how it's done," he said as QB-9 broke away from his hand and reverted back into its egg-like form.

" _Flawless Victory._ " The little robot said in a creepy old man's voice.

"No duh, buddy." Naruto cracked a smile and turned to his spectators expectantly. "So, was that an A-plus or what?"

" _You've passed with an_ acceptable _performance._ " Professor Goodwitch told him, making the young blond scowl.

"So you're calling me a Kriller, when I am clearly a Joku?" Naruto asked, his scowl deepening while he crossed his arms. "Not cool, Professor."

" _Would you rather be in the Technical Academy_?"

"Er, no. Acceptable is good, I guess…" Naruto muttered.

" _Welcome to Team JNPR, Naruto. Is it still pronounced juniper now that it's J-N-N-P-R?_ " Jaune asked someone in the background. The words made Naruto grin.

"Yes, Double N has returned!"

" _Hey, one of those N's are mine!_ " Nora complained. " _Ren! He stole my N! I'll break his legs!_ "

"Sorry, Double N can't hear you, Nora! He's too busy bustin' a move!" Naruto cheered. He pointed at QB-9. "Q, hit the victory music!"

QB-9 trilled and an upbeat funk began to play from his speakers.

" _One more time~! Uh, just wanna celebrate, oh yeah all-right, don't stop the dance now!_ "

"One more time~!" Naruto sang along off-key.

* * *

 **Y'all know the drill, why we gotta repeat it?**

 **Leave us a REVIEW!**

 **(Don't make us plead for this shit!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Let us spell it out for you: We. Own. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!**

 **Tinker, Trainer, Huntsman, Why Not?**

 **3: First Lessons**

* * *

After Naruto's practical exam, the rest of the day was pretty smooth sailing for the newly formulated Team JNNPR. This wasn't miraculous or shocking in any way, considering it was the weekend and JNNPR, like their fellows, planned to relax the rest of the evening until sleep called for them. However, the newest student at Beacon was rather annoyed with the constant questions that one member in particular pestered him with.

"For the last time, Pyrrha, yes! I am _one-hundred_ and _ten_ percent sure that I want to be a student here!" Naruto groaned.

"I'm sorry," Pyrrha said with a frown as she stared down at her younger brother. Green eyes drifted to the lone ice pack that Naruto had held against his arm in the aftermath of his test. He'd gotten quite the kick from his weapon's recoil. Pyrrha quickly returned her worried eyes to Naruto's scowling face. "I just think that your talents would be better suited in something other than being a Huntsman."

"...Oh, I get it." Naruto smirked. He pointed accusingly at the redheaded girl. "You're jealous that I got more Grimm kills than you in my initiation!"

"For the love of-No, I'm not!" Pyrrha groaned into her hand. Intelligent her brother may be, but he still had his dumb moments. "I just don't think you're ready for this sort of responsibility yet. Being a Huntsman or a Huntress requires discipline, skill, and more than just a belt full of-!"

"Hello, Wambulance?" Naruto cut in, speaking into his custom scroll while he stood on one of the four beds in the team room. "My sister's butt is hurting. How fast can you get here?"

"Naruto you hang that up right now!"

"But sis, your butt!"

"Don't worry! It's still amazing!" Nora reassured from where she sat on the bed behind Pyrrha. The orange haired girl used her hands to frame the hindquarters that were in front of her. "Absolute perfection. Right, Ren?"

"Uh, I'll give you a raincheck for that answer." Ren said, giving Naruto a wary look. Besides, while Pyrrha's was relatively decent in the brief once over that Ren made - he is a healthy teenage male and he should not be judged for hormones! Besides, he was more of a fan of Blake's butt. Now _that_ was a booty.

"Huh, so one of them _does_ have a brain." Naruto said, glancing at Jaune.

"You're making fun of me right now, aren't you?"

"The fact you have to ask me that says _everything_."

Jaune looked at their currently opened window, then back to the younger blond with a twitch in his eye. He could definitely throw him-No, no, there were too many witnesses. Next time they were alone, though...

Naruto let out a sneeze and looked around while he scratched his nose.

"Huh, some idiot must be planning revenge on me again."

"Naruto, how many times do I have to tell you that you _aren't_ allergic to revenge schemes?" Pyrrha asked tiredly.

"But Sis! You know my sniffer saved me from Winston's wedgie rampage!"

"Because he knew what would happen if he tried." Pyrrha muttered darkly. The lights in the room began to flicker as a dark aura surrounded the redheaded girl and her ponytail began to levitate slightly.

"Whoa." Nora blinked, looking around and squinted at the lights. "I think our bulbs are broken. They keep flickering. Jaune! Let maintenance know!"

QB-9 floated up from where it was hovering beside Naruto's head and quickly scanned the bulb. The egg-shaped machine cracked open in the back and a small oddly shaped light bulb was quickly swapped out by two thin metal arms. The older bulb was dropped in the trash and the egg floated back to Nora.

"Okay, so that's useful." Jaune muttered while Nora patted the egg in approval. He rubbed his chin and looked around the room. "You know, if he is going to stay here...where's he going to sleep?"

"I call PJ's bed!" Naruto declared as he jumped from the bed he was on over to the bed that Jaune claimed to be his.

"What?!" Jaune squawked. Pyrrha held her hand out towards her younger brother and the aura that had surrounded her previously appeared around his belt. Naruto's leap was halted mid air and the youngest student of Beacon Academy crossed his arms and pouted while his sister turned him around to face her.

"Oh, come on!" The short fourteen-year-old whined from where he was held in the air. With a shake of her head, Pyrrha moved him over to her bed and let him drop down.

"You can sleep with me," she said with a smile. "It'll be like when we were younger."

"You always hogged the blankets!" Naruto protested. QB-9 floated over to side with him with a few clicks and whistles.

" _This bed ain't big enough for the two of us!_ " The little bot's use of a sound clip from an old cowboy-themed commercial was well placed in the opinions of the non-Nikos teens that were in the room. Naruto personally thought it could've used a different commercial and Pyrrha was only partially paying attention to the robot.

"Q, hush." Pyrrha gently batted the little bot out of the way and sat down beside her brother. "And you kept kicking my legs, but you don't see me complaining."

"Was that a jab? It felt like a jab."

"It was, so don't complain. _You_ decided to come to Beacon," Pyrrha said with a smile. She poked her brother's nose and made him go cross eyed in an attempt to glare at the assaulting digit. "Now you get to live with the consequences."

"Fine, but stop poking me." Naruto huffed as he glared at the retreating finger.

"...Poke." Pyrrha grinned softly as she pushed her index finger into her brother's whiskered cheeks.

"Pyrrha, I mean it." Naruto warned as he pushed her hand away. The redhead's green eyes glistened with mischief that could often be found in his twin blues.

"Sorry," Pyrrha said with a small giggle. "You're just so pokable, _Squishy_."

" _Pyrrha_!" Naruto's voice cracked as his face suddenly became as red as her hair. QB-9 trilled and immediately floated to the other side of the room.

"Squishy?" Jaune asked, a grin on his face.

"PJ, I will make your life _hell_ if you _ever_ utter that word in my presence, again. This I swear!"

"Naruto, no swearing." Pyrrha pushed his head gently and smiled at the glower sent her way. "Why don't you go wash off the grime and get ready for bed. Your first class starts tomorrow and you want to have all the energy you can by the time you're in Oobleck's class."

"...Fine...But don't call me that in public. _Please_?" Naruto implored with wide blue eyes. Pyrrha simply smiled and gently ran her hand through his hair.

"Okay, okay…" Pyrrha conceded. She pulled him into a one-armed hug before pushing him off towards the room's small shower. "Be out in twenty. And don't leave your clothes on the floor!"

"Not even five minutes on the team and she's already babying me…" Naruto muttered under his breath as he trudged for the bathroom. Q floated in after him before the door shut with a click and the other three members of the team looked at the redheaded beauty.

"...Squishy?" Nora asked, a wide grin on her face.

"I'll admit that I'm a little curious as well," Ren said sheepishly.

"C'mon, Pyrrha, throw us a bone here." Jaune sat down next to his partner and grinned. "I'll be your best friend~!"

"Well, it all started when I was little and our mother-" Pyrrha began to tell the tale behind her nickname for her little brother, only for said boy to pop his head back out of the bathroom and glare at his four teammates, his sister specifically.

"Pyrrha! You promised!" Naruto frowned. Though it was only a small amount of betrayal that she could see in his blue eyes, the fact she saw any at all caused Pyrrha to wince. She, like any older sibling, hated to see her baby brother look so hurt. It was worsened by the fact that she was the cause of such pain.

"Sorry." Pyrrha apologized, both to Naruto and her teammates. Nora and Jaune looked disappointed while Ren merely nodded in understanding. Pyrrha looked back at Naruto, who simply kept frowning before he slowly slipped back into the bathroom. The older Nikos sighed and hung her head in slight dismay.

Jaune shared a worried look with Nora and Ren, before he put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it reassuringly.

"Maybe some other time, when he's more willing.

* * *

"Hello everybody!" Naruto said the next morning as QB-9. floated in front of him. He'd slept fairly well, despite being a little cold due to a certain older sister who didn't know how to share her bedsheets, and was the last one to even consider getting up the next day. While his teammates fretted over getting ready for their classes, Naruto decided to finish working on one of his side projects before he had to head over to the classroom.

"I'm TinkerTerr0r1zer and you'll never guess where I am right now! Go ahead, think it over. I'll wait." Naruto buffed his nails and checked his watch. Then he took out a small scroll and looked at QB-9.

"Quick edit this all together before it's posted using the standard settings, but continue recording until I do the sign off." The blond ordered his prized creation. The robot chirped out a confirmation and it's red eye whirred softly as it adjusted the focus while the creator fiddled with the scroll. Then, Naruto tried to balance as many items as he could on his nose before he left his team room.

"If you guessed Beacon Academy in Vale? You'd be right!" Naruto grinned as he strolled down the hallway. "I mean, I'm fourteen and already at Beacon? What caused that? My genius was recognized, I suppose. Not like a certain bunny girl who plays with overcompensating toys."

Naruto got into QB-9's face, grabbing onto the little bot and glaring into the camera.

"Yeah, I said it! You wanna shut me up? Name the game and I'll meet you there, then I'll lay you out atop the squares! Don't write a check your face can't cash! I will _erase_ you from _existence_ , Bunny! Come at me!" Naruto released QB-9 and smiled sheepishly at the disoriented little robot. "Sorry, Q. Had to get intense."

Naruto was completely oblivious to the second-year student he had made freeze in place, lest she get spotted by the apparently unhinged younger male. Two long bunny ears twitched atop her head as he walked by before she turned around and headed back towards her dorm to meet up with her teammates. Though nothing he said was directed at her specifically, his tone was enough to rattle her already naturally high-strung nerves.

Again, Naruto was unaware of the mark he left on the older student and continued talking while QB-9 floated around him.

"I mean, so far it's great! There's so many cool weapons, the other students don't seem too bad, and I'll get back to you on the teachers, _but_ it's not perfect," he said. With a grimace on his face, Naruto stopped walking and nodded at QB-9, who adjusted the camera to zoom out to show Naruto in the standard male uniform. "I mean, look at this outfit. There's absolutely no orange anywhere! I mean, yeah, I gotta deal with my older sister on my team and babying me, but compared to this-this-this ...dull _thing_ they make us wear _every day_ , I think that'll be cake in comparison."

QB-9 chirped and the red eye dimmed slightly as a holographic display popped out. Naruto blinked and rubbed his chin.

"History of Hunting with Dr. Oobleck-Q! C'mon, dude, I memorized my schedule! Give me some credit!"

QB-9 trilled and a solitary line highlighted on the schedule before it enlarged and a small digital clock appeared beside it. Naruto furrowed his brows together as he looked between the two and in a millisecond, it clicked.

"I'm late. Oh, shit, I'm _so_ late!" He swore as the projected display flickered away and QB-9 continued recording. Naruto abruptly turned around and ran for the class with his creation hot on his heels.

"Pyrrha's going to kill me if I'm late on the first day! No, no, no!" As though remembering something, Naruto looked over his shoulder at the camera and grinned. "Eh-heh-heh-heh. Still gotta get used to the times, it seems. I'll see you all later! Peace off!"

QB-9 beeped out a long sequence as the glow in its eye dimmed.

"Yeah, sure, get it all set and upload it!" Naruto called over his shoulder as he slid past the hallway he needed to go down. He slipped and landed hard on his back, making him cringe. "Ow…"

QB-9 tittered out a laugh before an obnoxious " _Haw-haw!_ " blared from its speakers.

"So dismantling you later!" Naruto grumbled under his breath as he climbed back to his feet and burst back into a run towards his classroom. "Stupid, freshly waxed floors...Stupid brown shoes…Razzle-frazzle, mother lover..."

* * *

"I'm not late!" Naruto cried out while he burst into the classroom. The students in the room were thankfully all first years like himself, so he didn't completely embarrass himself in front of the best the prestigious school had to offer. However, they were older than he was. Well, except for the one lucky fifteen-year-old girl in the front row.

"What a wonderful set of observational skills you have, Mr. Nikos. Indeed, you're not late. In fact, you're on time by three seconds." The green haired teacher told him. Oobleck took a sip from his drink and zipped over to stand in front of the young man. Peering down at him, Oobleck raised a visible brow above his glasses. "Be grateful that I'm more than aware it's only your first day of actual classes, Mr. Nikos, and quickly find your seat.

"Yeah...and not to mention it'd be criminal to give detention to this much handsome." Naruto chuckled out weakly while he grinned at the tall man. Oobleck took a quick sip of his espresso before he leaned into Naruto's face, his glasses gleaming ominously.

"Try me."

"...I'll just, uh, just go find my seat." Naruto gulped as he stepped around the professor and bolted for the free space that was left open beside Ruby. He sat down and glowered at her when she snickered at him. "Yuck it up, Rosebud. See what happens."

"Mr. Nikos, they say that a smart man is generally a patient man. I'm not patient." Oobleck warned the young blond.

"She started it…" Naruto protested weakly while the classroom snickered around him.

"And you shall end it with a zipped lip. One more outburst and detention is what you can look forward to later today and for the rest of the week."

Naruto sank into his seat at the words.

Beacon was starting to blow. Hard.

 _Heh. Blowhard._ Naruto thought with a small smirk while Oobleck began to prattle about the unknown spark that started The War. _Beacon blows hard. Title for the next video, for sure._

* * *

"Oh my God, seventeen pages…" Naruto muttered, eyes wide with disbelief as he walked out of the room alongside Ruby and Yang. He looked at his hands and his bottom lip warbled pitifully. "Handwritten...They're the monsters. Not the Grimm…We should be hunting teachers..."

"I know right!?" Ruby groaned. "I know for a fact that my uncle doesn't even know half this stuff. Why does it matter again?"

"For the record, Ruby, Uncle Qrow probably doesn't know it because of his liquid courage. And it's required because it's history," Yang said with an amused smile as she followed the two younger students. She laughed at the dry glares that the two leveled her with.

"That's boring. _He_ was boring. This whole day is starting to be completely and utterly boring!" Naruto groaned. "I thought I was going to be fighting more Grimm! I'm so down to fight more Grimm!"

"...We are so thinking alike. Like, right now, what we got going on here? Borderline twin telepathy." Ruby whispered, pointing between the both of them.

"Ruby, stop flirting with the new guy." Yang teased with a gentle shove that made the younger girl stumble forward a few steps. Ruby caught herself before her face became intimately familiar with the floor. Both she and Naruto turned to the older girl, blinking confused wide eyes in her direction.

"Flirting?" The youngest first years chorused. They looked at each other, cringed and then looked away. "Ew, no way!"

"Okay, that right there, that was downright adorkable." Yang grinned at the two.

"I'm _not_ adorkable." Naruto protested firmly. "I am chock full of badass-a-tude!"

" _An Atlesian Badass!_ " QB-9 blared from its speakers. A thin robot arm extended out and slapped down onto Naruto's extended hand.

"Hm." Yang crossed her arms and leaned down to get a closer look at his face. After a moment of invading his personal space, and making his face heat up just slightly, the older blonde smiled. She reached out and pinched his whiskered cheek. "Nope! You're still adorkable, but give it a few years and maybe you'll be a badass like me."

"Goddammit, don't do that!" Naruto cursed and smacked her hand away. He rubbed his abused face. "Why the fuck does every girl I know pinch my face?"

Ruby gasped sharply and pointed at him. "Five lien in the swear jar!"

"What?" Naruto looked at the girl in bewilderment. "Are...Are you serious? Who does that baby nonsense?"

"We did!" Ruby said proudly as she pointed at her big sister.

"Uh, correction. _You_ did." Yang pointed back at Ruby. She grinned and crossed her arms under her bust. "I just swore when you and dad weren't around."

"But...but...all my lien…" Ruby sniffled, the corners of her silver eyes watering.

"...Okay, yeah, I see it." Naruto nodded, awestruck at the face the girl made. "She is _adorkable_."

"Right?!" Yang beamed and threw her arm around Ruby's neck. A tight, air-blocking hug caused the younger girl to flail around in her older sister's arm. " _So_ cute! She even wrote a letter back to her friends at Signal during the first night here."

"...Wrote a letter?" Naruto blinked and pulled out his scroll as he leveled Ruby, who'd broken away from Yang after she delivered a harsh kick to the older girl's stomach, with a dry look. "Welcome to the future, Ruby. We have Scrolls and CCT."

"...If I had a pillow, you'd _so_ be sorry." Ruby huffed and turned away from him. "Shouldn't you be on my side? Don't you have to send a message to your friends anyway?"

"Already did. And I should have about five million views, couple thousand comments, right about...now." Naruto looked at the egg-shaped robot floating beside him and a screen popped out. He hummed. "Huh, look at that. Nearly six million views, give or take a bot."

"Whoa, what? Is that a VeeTube channel?" Yang asked, grabbing onto QB-9 and turning him to get a better look at the screen. The little robot beeped and whistled angrily while shut the projector down. Yang frowned. "Hey, what gives. I just want to see the video!"

"I'd let him go if I were you. Q's _very_ picky on who-" Naruto winced and turned away when the little egg suddenly exploded into hundreds of pieces and managed to knock Yang down to the floor. Looking up from his arms' meager shield, Naruto lamely finished his warning, "...Touches him."

"Did I just blow up?" Yang asked, blinking away some of the soot that covered her face. Ruby pointed at Yang, who now had soot covering a good portion of her, and laughed.

"Ha! Now you know how it feels to explode in public!"

"Shut up, Ruby." Yang huffed. She looked around at all the little pieces and parts that were scattered around the hallway. Lilac eyes looked apologetically at the younger blond. "Er, sorry, I was just-..."

"Don't worry about it." Naruto muttered while he examined one of the pieces of QB-9's shell that had gotten stuck in a wall. He pried it out and let it drop to the floor. Crossing his arms, Naruto drummed his left arm and he frowned. "QB, stop playing around. I gotta get to class."

The scattered parts started to shake and soon piled together. The pieces connected and realigned perfectly so that QB-9 looked as good as new. The red egg trilled and floated up to hide behind Naruto's head while apparently 'glaring' at Yang.

"Knock it off, Q. She didn't know you were such a germaphobe." Naruto rolled his eyes. He shook his head at a furious sequence of beeps and trills. "You are such a drama queen. I am _not_ giving you a ten-thousand volt security feature."

" _Cheap-ass mother-!_ "

"Finish that sentence and I'm _deleting_ your subscription to Webflicks." Naruto warned firmly as he walked off towards his next class. QB-9 let out a squeak of fear and shuddered.

How would it catch up on "How I Met Your Baby Momma" without its favorite site available to it?

* * *

"Okay, so maybe Beacon won't be so bad," Naruto said with his hands intertwined behind his head while he left Professor Peach's apothecary class with his sister, Nora, Yang and Blake in tow. He grinned. "I now know how to make a better variant of itching powder. My retaliation for any fools shall be even more painful."

"I still can't believe you got such a high grade on your first project." Yang muttered. Her eye was twitching violently, but not out of annoyance. More so out of a failed mixture that literally backfired on her in the class. It was her fault, she'd admit it, but she was determined to figure out what VeeTube channel was Naruto's. It was definitely among the top hundred, but that was as far as she got before her project blew up in her face.

Beside her, Blake's own eyes were wide and she was calmer than usual. As was Nora, who'd been paired with the black-haired member of Team RWBY for the experiment.

"Naruto's gifted in more areas than I thought," Pyrrha said with a prideful smile aimed at her younger brother. The boy returned her smile with his megawatt grin.

"Yeah..." Blake agreed with a slow nod. Followed by a slow blink. She lifted her hand up and stared at it. "This is so... _weird_."

"Oh my God, you guys!" Nora suddenly cried out in alarm with wide eyes, stopping the group from going any further. She pointed at the wall. "The walls are made of _pancakes_! Dibs!"

"...When'd Prof. Peach say that the effects would wear off?" Naruto asked worriedly when he saw his teammate start to eagerly lick at the wall.

"Not soon enough," Blake said as she forced herself to focus on something other than the amazing residual blur her hand left as she waved it through the air. She blinked tiredly and groaned. "I think I'm...going to miss Port's class."

"Nora is, too," Pyrrha said with a nod. She used her Semblance to subtly pull Nora away from the wall, now more grateful than ever that the school uniform had as much metal as it did on it. "I'll have to ask Ren what we should do."

"I can keep an eye on her," Naruto said with a raised hand.

"It's your first day, you can't miss classes!" Pyrrha frowned.

"Aw, let him live a little, Pyrrha." Yang grinned at the other girl.

" _Don't listen to the boobed girl, she seems disrespectful!_ " A happy-go-lucky voice chirped out of QB-9's speakers.

"Hey!" Yang scowled at the little robot. Beside her, Blake snickered.

"Nailed that one on the head," the girl said with a smirk. She looked at Naruto and, after taking a moment to focus on his eyes and admire just how blue they were, the girl gave him a pointed look. "Don't skip classes, it's a big part of how Beacon assesses whether or not you're ready to be a Huntsman of Remnant."

" _Listen to the girl with the butt! She seems smart._ " QB-9 said firmly in the same voice. Blake's eyes became lidded as she looked at the egg-shaped robot and a small smile spread across her face.

"I like this guy."

"It's a good show. Shame it didn't make it past season Seventeen..." Naruto sighed.

"Man," Yang rubbed at her twitching eye and grimaced. She glanced over at the baked Orangette, who was trying to run closer to the wall of 'pancakes', and scowled. "I'd kill to be as high as Nora is right now. This is downright aggravating!"

"What's aggravating is missing a class during the second week of the first year," Blake said dryly. She began to follow QB-9 as it floated beside Naruto's head. Then her eyes drifted down to the markings on the blond's cheeks. With as high as she was, Blake couldn't stop the question that fell out of her mouth.

"Where'd you get the whiskers?"

Naruto and Pyrrha stiffened. Naruto's head dipped down until his hair overshadowed his eyes while Pyrrha sent the baked Blake a deep frown. The girl, so heavily affected by the drug and no longer able to stay ahead of what was coming out of her mouth, continued.

"Come to think of it, why do you two look so different. Like, Yang and Ruby levels of different-?"

"O-kay! Come on, Blakey, let's go get you all sobered up!" Yang, a bit too cheerfully, cut in and grabbed tightly onto her partner's arm. She pulled the protesting bow-wearing girl along with her while rubbing at one of her eyes with the other hand. Over her shoulder, Yang bid her friends goodbye. "Talk at you later, Triple N! And Naruto, I'll find your VeeTube channel!"

"Yeah, later, Yang. Bye, Blake." Naruto muttered back while he turned around and walked off, his hands slipped into his pockets and his head still hung. QB-9 floated after him worriedly.

Pyrrha watched her brother walk away with sad eyes. She wanted to rush after him and cheer him up, but thanks to previous experience she knew that right now all she could do for Naruto was give him some space. He'd come to her in time, and hopefully by tomorrow, he'd be back to his cheerful troublemaking self.

"Pa-a-a-a-an ca-a-a-a-akes!"

Pyrrha looked back at the heavily drooling Nora and a bemused smile crossed her face. It would seem that her first responsibility was to keep Nora out of trouble until Ren could weigh in and give her a hand.

* * *

 **We finished chapter three!**

 **REVIEWS are what we wanna see!**

 **(Since this story's so new,**

 **Bonesboy15 made this Omake for you!)**

 **Omake: The Best Intentions**

* * *

~Two Years Ago~

"And with this last twist…Voila!" A younger Naruto grinned and stepped back from his newest creation. It was a complex thing made of the simplest of parts. A reinforced steel trash can was used for the chassis and a metal bucket for the head. Two large red holiday lights made for its eyes and limbs were constructed out of his bed frame and the exposed wires were mostly covered by tin cans.

Naruto would probably get in trouble for dismantling his bed, _again_ , but it wasn't like the twelve year old slept much anyway. He thrived off of Diet Paradise Soda and Ramen, the latter of which could be made in three god-awfully long minutes, and usually passed out at his workbench anyway. Granted, one time he almost drowned, but that was a story for another day.

"Now, to turn you on and show off the genius of the Nikos' Humanoid Utility Machine Prototype Robot!" Naruto declared with a wide grin. "QB-6! Activate the device!"

QB-6 was a bulky red orb, much more similar to something out of a kid's action show compared to its slimmer later model. The orb let out a low beep before it floated over to the portable generator that Naruto won in a contest and turned it on. Naruto watched with bated breath as his newest creation's eyes shone. The eight foot tall robot turned and looked down at its creator.

"Alright, Proto, what I want you to do is very simple." Naruto went over to the side of his room and pulled out a basket of dirty clothes that he dropped in front of the robot. He looked back up and crossed his arms. "Do my laundry."

The robot recently dubbed Proto stared at him for a moment, and during that pause, Naruto momentarily worried that the obedience software wasn't uploaded correctly again.

Last time that happened, his sister was forced to literally rip the robot apart with her recently discovered semblance in self-defense. Poor Tora, if only it would behave as he programed it to and didn't try to claw any human's face.

Luckily, Naruto's fears were for naught, as Proto bent over and picked the laundry up. Cautiously keeping his elation at being obeyed within, Naruto and QB-6 followed Proto to the laundry room. Fully prepared to give himself a pat on the back, Naruto would never forget what happened after Proto put the laundry basket atop the dryer.

Proto put both of its hands on the washing machine, adjusted its stance, and then its hips thrust forward into the machine. A loud clang followed the collision, and within moments, the clanging was occurring every half second. With a wide-eyed, twelve-year-old Naruto as witness, the Prototype went to town, humping the washing machine with wild abandon and smacking it's side.

Once he managed to break from his stupor, Naruto quickly deactivated and disassembled the robot when he noticed the dent that was starting to form in the machine's side, trying to discern where it was he went wrong.

To this day, two things never happened: Pyrrha never learned why their washing machine suddenly had a large dent in its side, and Naruto never figured out how he made the world's first, and thus far only, H.U.M.P. Robot.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Let us spell it out for you: We. Own. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!**

 **Tinker, Trainer, Huntsman, Why Not?**

 **4: The 'D' Problem**

* * *

Naruto sullenly wandered around Beacon's campus with his hands buried in his pockets and his eyes downcast. Blake's comments whirled around in his head and brought forth painful memories. In the back of his mind, Naruto knew that she'd only been curious and meant no harm with her words, but words could hurt all the same, even if they were unintentional.

Still, it wasn't the first time that the vast difference in appearance between Pyrrha and Naruto had been brought forward, and those stark variations were very apparent to the blond Nikos.

Pyrrha had their mother's beautiful red hair and striking green eyes. She was tall with an Amazonian build that made her aesthetically pleasing on the eyes - according to Naruto's friend Kiba (who was pretty much almost neutered had it not been for their teacher's interference) and she was impressively powerful. She was a kind soul and was very hard to upset. That is, of course, unless you were Naruto.

The blond in question, on the other hand, was, er, blond. Not a redhead. No biggie, right? Well, sure. However, he also had bright blue eyes instead of Pyrrha's striking green or their mother's beautiful purple. Now, Naruto was no geneticist, but he was fairly certain that a woman with purple eyes can not give birth to a girl with green eyes _and_ a boy with blue eyes, especially with the same partner. This meant his looks came from the Y factor. _His_ father.

QB-9 beeped an alert that dug Naruto out of his thoughts. "What? Who updated?"

The egg beeped meekly and Naruto's blue eyes narrowed.

"Show me."

QB-9 beeped before it brought up a holo-vid. A girl immediately popped up on the screen, and Naruto gnashed his teeth together. She was a pretty thing, that much he would begrudgingly admit. Long, flowing brunette hair, brushed neatly fell from her scalp along with a pair of obsidian black eyes. A pair of headphones covered her ears. The headphones had extended pink antennas that looked like rabbit ears. On her cheeks she'd painted two neon pink two whisker-like marks, much like his own.

Only, you know, not as awesome as his birthmarks. Not to mention unnatural.

"Hey, hey, D-Va is logged in!" She smiled cheerfully, flashing a pair of peace signs before that smile turned vicious. "So, I hear the Whisker-Loser's been smack talking again. Some nonsense about getting into Beacon Academy. It's all bark and no bite in my opinion."

Naruto's eye suddenly gained a very violent twitch, and if anyone were to ask why, he'd blame it on Yang's mess up in apothecary.

She shrugged and gave the camera a smug smile.

"I mean, it's not like _I_ lost our last three matches. So now he's gotta try and get into some famous school? Puh-lease. I'm already in Atlas Academy out of invitation. Ten out of ten says, Tinker Toddler snuck in."

"That...Is slander! And totally beside the point!" Naruto screamed at the video. His teeth grit together so tightly his gums started to bleed. What he wouldn't give to turn the girl's camera and sponsors into scrap metal.

"So anyways, I said my piece on the loudest runt on VeeTube. Tell me what you all think, oh and Tinkle Toddler," D-Va leaned into the camera and smirked. "If you want to play, then maybe try the tutorials first. D-Va signing out!"

"T-Tutorials...That little…razzle-frazzle, mother-lovin..." Naruto began to make strangling gestures. QB-9 let out a worried line of beeps. Turning to the closest hard surface he could find, Naruto drove his fist into the wall. The small cracks he made was a satisfying sight, but his knuckles throbbed something fierce. Ignoring his pain and absentmindedly rubbing his abused hand, Naruto growled. "I'm going to beat that cottontail so hard, she won't be able to sit for a month!"

He was completely unaware of the crowd of students that just stared at him. They'd stopped walking through the hall when he started the video. Though, as his anger slowly diminished, the whispers of a duo closest to him started to fall into his ears.

"Hey, isn't that T1nkerTerr0r1zer?"

"What? Nah, he's too short."

"I dunno, he's raging like him."

"Hey, do you know if D-Va uploaded?"

"I'll check. Oh yeah, she did."

"Totally him. Only he rages like that towards her vids. ...Ha! Tinkle Toddler!"

"No way! Oh, I'm so chirping about this!"

"Oh, it is so on! Q, initiate protocol Rabbit Season!" Naruto snarled, his nostrils flared. QB-9 trilled in alarm and trembled in the air when two icy blue eyes fell upon him. "Yes! Rabbit. Season. Do it!"

" _WAR! HUH! YEAH! What is it good fo-?_ " QB-9's attempt to dissuade its creator was cut short when it was grabbed firmly in one hand.

"Listen up and listen good, Q. There's three things I love more than anything in this world and that is my sister, my creations, and my reputation." Naruto growled. He pulled the little egg close and glared deep into its red eye. "Do you really want to know how those three are ranked, or do you want to just upload the video?"

" _I ...love war~!_ " QB-9 played with a heavily accented, but obviously faked, recording.

"Darn skippy you do!" Naruto nodded firmly and let his egg float away. He turned and faced the whispering crowd. With a deep breath, and all eyes on him, as calmly as he could, Naruto pointed at the crowd. "Don't you people have anything better to do than to stare at a fourteen year old?!"

That got a good portion of the students moving once again. Though, a good few lingered.

"Can I get your autograph?" One of the students asked. Naruto looked at her, easily a second year or an older first year. Pursing his lips and weighing his options, he regrettably came to a decision on how to answer her question.

"I'll be doing signings in the cafeteria tomorrow." Naruto told the fan. The girl beamed and rushed off, probably to spread the news, but other than that, Naruto paid the lingering crowd no mind as he stormed away. He didn't have time to hang out with his fan base at the moment. He had evil plans, plans of sheer evil and terror, to unleash!

 _You will rue this day, Hana Song. This I swear!_

* * *

The next day, in the break between classes, one could find Teams JNNPR and RWBY in the lunch hall. Not only was it spacious, but it had food. However, the youngest and most recent member of their little group was absent for a good portion of the day. Rumor has it that he'd woken bright and early, before the sun was fully up, and went down to Vale.

Pyrrha was focused intently on her scroll, waiting for a response to the tenth message she'd left for her spontaneous brother. She did not like waking up to finding him absent on his second day. And, what was more worrying to her, he never came to her about the topic that was brought up.

"Nora, what are you wearing?" Blake asked, pointing a finger towards the button on the hammer girl's blazer.

"Duh, Blake." Nora rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "It's Rabbit Season."

"What?" Blake asked, blinking. Yang and Jaune gave the orange haired girl a confused look, while Pyrrha remained focused on her scroll. Nora shook her head and took another bite of her pancakes.

"If you watched T1nker's channel you'd know."

"Who?" Blake asked.

"Naruto." Ren answered as he calmly ate his cereal. He sighed and rested his spoon in his bowl at their confused look. "T1nkerTerr0r1zer is Naruto's Net Name."

"Wait!" Yang shot to her feet and planted her palms on the cafeteria table. "That's his channel? Isn't he, like, one of the most popular gamers on VeeTube?"

"Double duh!"

"But isn't that kind of offensive?" Blake said, darting her eyes towards the Rabbit Faunus a few tables away. The girl looked extremely uncomfortable since a large amount of students were also wearing the same button. At least her teammates, or who Blake assumed to be her teammates, were with her.

"This is interweb stuff, it's completely different." Nora waved Blake's concern off.

"Says you." Blake scowled.

"Says the interwebs!" Nora protested firmly. "It's not racist, but you thinking it is makes _you_ racist!"

"...That makes no sense!"

"Exactly! Racist!"

It was at this point that Weiss and Ruby walked up to the table, their trays in hand. The two girls shared a confused look with one another before they took their seats, Ruby across from Jaune and Weiss across from Pyrrha.

"Who's racist?" Weiss asked.

"Those buttons." Blake glared at the offending item on Nora's person.

"Blake." Nora huffed as she shoved another forkful of pancakes into her mouth.

"I am not a racist!"

"The buttons can't be racist, they're not sentient!"

"The message on them is in fact racist!"

"Only if you interpret it that way!"

"How can you interpret it in any other way?!"

"Maybe if you watched some high quality VeeTube you'd understand that the Bunny must die!"

Across the room, the rabbit eared faunus slowly tried to fall under the table. The burly teen beside her grabbed the back of her jacket and pulled her back up. He then patted her head and resumed eating his meal.

"Can we back up a bit?" Jaune asked, looking between Nora and Blake, who were now nose-to-nose with one another. He wilted slightly under their stares. "Why do the buttons say Rabbit Season?"

"D-Va dissed T1nker on VeeTube, so he decalred war," Nora said with a roll of her eyes. "Geez, Jaune, pay attention."

"Who is D-Va?" Jaune asked.

"A rabbit themed gamer girl," Ren said with a sigh. He pushed his bowl aside, finished with his meal, and propped his chin on his elbow. "To put it simply, she and Naruto are in the midst of a flame war. "

"Naruto's in a what?!" Pyrrha looked aghast. She'd only been marginally paying attention, but the word 'war' had come up more often than she was used to and she looked away from her scroll.

"Verbal attacks via the web."

"Oh…That's nothing too terrible, correct?"

"I don't know," Nora said thoughtfully around another bite of food. "She called him Tinkle Toddler yesterday and claimed he only snuck onto Beacon's campus, not accepted."

"Ohh, yeah. I heard about that. T1nker's not going to take that lying down." Ruby nodded and then resumed munching on her sweets. The table turned to look at the second youngest student in Beacon.

"Ruby! You knew what his channel is, too?!" Yang gaped at her baby sister. Ruby looked at her with a large cookie in her hand, inches from her mouth.

"...Yeah, so?"

"You knew I was looking for his channel!"

"It's super popular," Ruby said with a shrug. She chomped down on the cookie and spoke with a full mouth. "How did you _not_ find it?"

"...Shut up." Yang huffed and looked away from her sister.

"Ruby. Chew, swallow and then talk. Must we go over this again?" Weiss asked dryly. Ruby closed her mouth and smiled sheepishly. The heiress shook her head and looked over at Nora. "So, this D-Va is a rival gamer? Does she not watch the news?"

"...News?" The table looked up. Weiss nodded.

"Yes." Weiss pulled out her Scroll and opened a minimized page. The caption at the top read 'Ozpin's Last Act? Underage Youth Enrolled In Beacon!'. The video was playing, though Weiss had the sound muted, and showed an endtime. Pyrrha's eyes were glued to the screen, seeing the Headmaster and her brother on a stage, in Vale, speaking to a crowd of journalists.

"Hey, I'm underage! Technically." Ruby mentioned after swallowing her cookie.

"Yes, but you went to a combat school. Naruto didn't." Pyrrha pointed out firmly.

Yang raised a brow at her. "You keep saying that. What's the big deal? We saw him blow that Ursa, and the wall, clear to the moon."

"I keep saying that with good reason. I've fought in tournaments, proving my skills, and you've all mostly gone to combat school, even if you didn't finish." Pyrrha frowned as the caption on Weiss' Scroll changed. 'Nikos Siblings At Beacon! The Invincible Girl's Brother!' it now read, and the redheaded girl barely contained a wince. "And _this_ is exactly why I didn't want the media to get wind of him either. Now everyone's just going to see him as my little brother, not for who he is."

"...That's so sweet." Ruby looked at Pyrrha with a twinkle in her eye. The redhead blushed lightly and smiled at the younger girl.

"Thank you, Ruby."

"I feel like my 'best sis evah cred' is going down." Yang muttered.

"That's because it is." Weiss smirked.

"That's _Weiss_ cold."

"Go jump off a bridge. And land on your head. And bleed."

"A lot or a little?"

"Which do you think?"

In the midst of their bickering, which somehow started up even more dispute between what was and what was not considered racist between Nora and Blake, the eight teenagers somehow missed the three yellow robotic cranes that entered the cafeteria. Each crane was no taller than a fully grown person, had a large amount of items held by the one arm, and rolled around on treads. One of the cranes even had a white dunce hat planted firmly on the crane arm, with the words DMB-DMB painted along it's sides in black.

Floating in behind them was a certain little red egg. QB-9 beeped and whistled at the cranes, directing them towards a curtained off area of the cafeteria. The cranes disappeared behind the curtain and dropped their loads with loud bangs.

Naturally, this drew the attention of the room. Many began to whisper and wonder what was going on behind the curtain. A bold few even tried to sneak peaks, one of those in question being Russel Thrush. Russel didn't even get close to lifting the curtain before QB-9 flew out low.

Right below his belt.

The sight gained more than one wince from the other males in the room.

Jaune, however, had an odd little smirk on his face.

"Man down!" The mohawked teen squeaked out as he grabbed his assaulted area and dropped into a fetal position. His teammates quickly moved to his side and helped him back to his feet, except for Cardin, who just pointed and laughed at his partner's pain.

"Poor Thrush, that's gotta hurt." Yang shook her head. She crossed her arms and hummed. "What's going on behind that curtain anyway?"

"Seeing as QB-9 is over there, I think it's safe to say that Naruto is behind it." Ren pointed out the little bot that flew back behind the curtains.

"Triple duh!" Nora snorted.

"Nora, eat your pancakes before they get cold."

"Ah! Thanks for reminding me, Ren!" Nora beamed at the boy before she returned her attention to her meal and dug in.

"What's going on over there?" Blake frowned at the curtains, which most likely concealed the instigator of this nonsense. The curtains drew open and revealed...An autograph booth?

"...He didn't." Pyrrha dropped her scroll.

"Oh, he did." Nora laughed.

Jaune blinked and rubbed his eyes. "There's gotta be something in my soup, because I think I see three women in foxy outfits and Naruto sitting on a golden throne."

"No, no you're not imagining that." Ren stared with wide eyes at the three women that had officially stolen all attention from the majority of males and a minority of females in the room. The women were voluptuous and scantily clad in clothes that looked like they came right from the casinos' midnight shows.

"Damn, where can I get _that_ outfit?" Yang whistled.

"But their boobs are practically falling out!" Ruby hissed at her sister.

"Duh. The point," Yang said with a roll of her eyes.

"Presenting, the Foxes Throne!" Naruto, clad in an outfit that the emperors of Ancient Remnant wore, bellowed as he rose from the golden throne. He had a bronzed crown in the shape of a fox's open maw, a simple bronze Wesekh draped over his bare chest, and a linen skirt that fell to his knees. "Come! Meet my girls! Kneel before the VeeTube King of Games! Ask me nicely, and I may sign your stuff. Or your boobs."

"How did he get them in here without Goodwitch noticing?" Weiss asked, flummoxed by what she was seeing.

"I...I…" Pyrrha faltered for words. She couldn't believe what she saw. What has the internet done to her sweet little brother?! He used to make her little toy animals because they couldn't afford to have pets, or improve Milo and Akoúo̱, or-or play tag and hide and seek! Not...hang out with-with a bunch of-of floozies!

This had gone on for too long!

She was going to put her foot down, right here and right now!

"And don't forget to say hi to the rest of the Terrorizers!" Naruto grinned and pointed at QB-9 who was filming the whole thing. Pyrrha's indignancy rose to new levels, but she stayed in her seat while Naruto turned and waved at Q. "Hello my beloved followers! I wouldn't be here today without you guys!"

The redheaded Nikos slumped her shoulders. She couldn't do anything to her brother now, it would crush him.

She'd wait to strike until later, off camera.

She would ground him most definitively!

* * *

After about twenty minutes of signing, the cafeteria doors slammed open to reveal a orange slime-covered Goodwitch.

"What...Is...the meaning of this?!" She demanded.

"...Scatter! It's the Hag!" Naruto cried out. He tossed his crown off to the side and dropped the marker he was using to sign a fan's copy of _RUINATION 2: Albert's Revenge_ , the A17-rated Horror Shooter game that got his channel set on the map.

On a side note, that was yet another reason Naruto didn't want Pyrrha to know about his VeeTube channel. She'd kill him if she knew he played that game throughout most of his eleventh year. At least Mr. Brunner didn't see the harm in it.

It also helped that the Nikos' old caretaker was extremely susceptible to Naruto's tried and true Wounded Kitten Eyes.

"Naruto Nikos!"

 _Thank goodness I Beta-tested_ Ninja Clan 2, _Hanzo's parkour was awesome!_ Naruto jumped up to the upper rafters, using a wall jump to do so, before he jumped out the open window. An eagle screeched as he dove out the window and landed in a pile of well prepared hay.

"...Ow...MitchPitch was right, this doesn't help in the slightest." Naruto groaned as he climbed out of the hay. "Thank God for aura."

He hobbled away in triumph, smirking as he disappeared in the mess of older students heading for their later classes. He'd managed to not only connect with a lot of the student body, but get it all on camera and show just how welcoming Beacon Academy was to the youngest male on campus.

 _Let's see Bunny Girl top that!_ Naruto thought victoriously.

"Naruto Nikos!" The blond winced at Goodwitch's cry, which promised only pain and punishment if he stopped. He needed to find another haystack, fast!

* * *

"I can't believe he did that!" Weiss said as she walked out of the bathroom, dressed in her nightgown. Team RWBY, after they'd snapped from their stupor and went to their classes, were among the many teams still discussing the events of that morning. Naruto's stunning partners, his attire, the live stream that was active for a good portion of the day, the way Goodwitch was covered in orange slime, and Naruto's escape from punishment. "Where did those women even come from? The Red Light district!?"

"Doubt it. Pyrrha would probably kill him," Yang said as she did a few late night crunches.

"I can't believe he jumped out a third story window." Ruby commented as she munched on her late night snack.

Yang paused in her reps and grinned at her teammates. "I can't believe he had a four pack."

"I can't believe we're still talking about this nonsense." Blake sniffed as she turned the page in her book. Her nose scrunched up and she looked at Ruby. "Ruby, if you're going to take your boots off, go shower and get ready for bed. Your feet stink."

"That's not my fault!" Ruby protested with a pout.

"Yeah, she sweats a lot."

"Yang!"

"It's perfectly natural Ruby, it comes with your age. Just use more soap and scrub your feet." Yang teased, making Ruby puff up her cheeks.

"I didn't even wear my boots today!" She pouted and frowned at her glass of milk. "We had classes and Professor Goodwitch didn't call on me to spar today."

"Well, can you spray them?" Blake asked.

"Ugh, fine." Ruby slumped off her top bunk and moved to the closet. She opened it and her silver eyes widened at the sight before her.

Crouched within her team's shared closet, where most of their extra shoes or packed goodies remained, was a certain whisker-faced boy with spiky blond hair. He was still clad in the outfit from earlier, and had taken to hiding under Ruby's spare cloak.

"...Okay, I know this looks bad, but I can explain." Naruto whispered with his hands up. "You have to promise not to scream."

"What do I get?" Ruby whispered.

Naruto gained a frustrated look. "Seriously? You're extorting me!? I thought we had mental twin link or something!?"

Ruby inhaled a deep breath.

"Okay, okay!" Naruto hissed, recognizing the action as preparation to do just that. He grimaced and looked around while he thought of what he could barter. "I'll, uh, um-! Cameo! A cameo on one of my Forge of Badassery segments!"

"Done deal. Pleasuring doing business with you. Also, hold your breath." Ruby smiled as she held up a spray can, peppering the closet flavor scented mist. Naruto coughed at the extra cleaner that shot into his lungs, which Ruby covered by faking a few of her own.

"Ruby, spray. Don't inhale." Yang rolled her eyes.

She let out another a fake cough and closed the closet door. "Right. Silly me!"

"Ugh. Why lemon?" Blake asked, a look of disgust on her face.

"Lemony fresh, silly!" Ruby smiled at her teammate before she tossed the can to Yang. Yang then used the spray under her pits, grinning as she did when both Blake and Weiss deadpanned at her.

"What? I like smelling fresh before bed."

"You're deplorable…"

"And you're suffering from a tight sphincter." Yang muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"What?!"

Blake lowered her book and smirked. "She said you've got a tight ass."

"She's not the only one…" Ruby heard the mutter clearly, and frowned in confusion at the closet.

 _What the heck did Naruto mean by_ that _?_ She wondered. Shrugging the odd comment off, Ruby jumped in before her new best friend tried to pick a fight with her sister.

* * *

Naruto checked his Scroll and it was well after midnight. He was pretty sure Goodwitch had given up by now and would resume her hunt of the blond Nikos in the morning.

Slowly, he opened the closet and with the stealth of Rigid Reptile he tip toed towards the door.

"Going somewhere?" A voice in the dark asked.

And no, Naruto did not scream like a little girl.

He did squeak like a mouse, though.

Naruto craned his head to see Blake staring right at him with those haunting amber orbs. Her eyes glared accusingly at him, but in the dark, with the odd glow they gave off, it seemed like a different sort of stare.

 _Puberty, calm down!_ Naruto yelled at himself. _But man are her glowing eyes weird, almost like a cat's._

"...I can explain." He whispered and Blake arched a brow.

This was bound to be interesting.

* * *

 **And that's chapter 4! Whoo! Yay! Yeah!**

 **We nailed it.**

 **Also, as for why we can't use and changed to D-Va?Well, FF stinks like that sadly.**

 **So, we hope you guys enjoyed and this and remember to do what comes naturally to all of you.**

 **REVIEW!**


End file.
